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Our Egos Want To Talk

By Andy Shaw | June 7, 2010

Have you ever noticed how when people meet they or we don’t listen, instead they/we often just wait for the noise to stop so that they/we can say their/our next point. Their/our egos are so wrapped up in what they/we want to say that they/we do not honour the person we are choosing to spend time with and listening to them.

Think about it this way, sometimes you can learn from talking as it gives you a chance to chat about something and as you chat you can really nail down a point or make a deeper discovery. In this way you can really learn…

But this is only when we are developing something, most of the time our chat is just about stuff that we like to hear about. So someone has given us permission to speak and we unconsciously talk about ourselves… Now don’t get me wrong the reason they’ve given you permission is they probably want to discuss themselves. It feels good to talk about ourselves, it’s our egos favourite subject.

If however, we devote our time to listening then we get to learn new things. We learn more about the people we are meeting and about ourselves by staying conscious instead of unconsciously chatting then we can recognise our own failings in others… when we are present and we can watch. By learning to listen properly this naturally trains us in the essential skill of keeping some of our attention focused inside of us, and thinking about how we are feeling. We then honour them much more and we learn at the same time.

This time when someone else is speaking is therefore extremely valuable (as is all time) as in this period we can practice presence, being present. We can be fully listening to them and observing them (which is by the way what they want us to do). From this observation we will learn new things about them, we will observe their security and their insecurity.

When you recognise they are unconsciously speaking, do not get annoyed. Just accept it as it is, be present and notice how you are feeling… Surrender to it and just light the way. If you lead then others will eventually follow, the ones you may desire to change will change if they desire to. The others are not ready yet and it’s not our place to force change on anyone, if they desire change they will. It’s our choice whether we socialise with them or not.

We will see where they are going wrong and we may see an opportunity to offer them some guidance. As we know that if we can help another then this will come back to us. However, what we do not want to do is judge them. Nearly all you will meet will be unconscious and will never leave this realm. That is just the way of the world and we should not struggle against this. Lead and those who are ready will follow, as for the rest then their path lies in a different direction.

Whilst Listening, Listen

There is plenty to observe when another person is speaking, all of what they are saying, all of what they are implying and all of what they are not saying. Then there is all of how this affects us.

Can we improve ourselves thanks to their words, how are their words making us feel? Is what they are saying helping me or hurting me? Have I asked for this person to be sent to me in order that I may be shown the correct direction?

I know what you are thinking. For your lifetime you haven’t practiced the art of listening, you never new there was so much involved. So how can you properly listen and take all of this in as there is so much to do? With all those gifts being given to you then when is there time to think about what you are going to say…

Well it makes you think really how people ever find the time to wait for the noise to stop so that they can speak! Obviously this is a crystal clear sign of an unconscious person, and again this is no holier than thou thing as I have been guilty of this plenty (and I mean plenty) of times in the past and am still guilty of it now… this habit is a hard one to change.

As each month passes I make less of these mistakes, and I notice I am more present in my conversations. I try to evaluate my interaction with people to see if I was present, usually if I need to ask, it means I wasn’t.

Now I practice the art of listening and I find I am learning so much more. When I recognise that I have waited for the noise to stop and then started to speak. I stop myself, apologise to the person and try and go back to answer their conversation. This can be tricky at times as I find I wasn’t listening.

I am not annoyed with myself for getting it wrong like this, these mistakes are useful way points to becoming a more efficient, compassionate person and so they all help. If you are struggling with a particularly boring individual, then use this as practice. The person is clearly unconscious and so interaction will be tricky. However, see if you can interrupt their pattern by giving them something that helps them to become less boring.

In doing so you are not just helping yourself and them, but you are helping every other person this bore ever attacks through their unconsciousness in the future. Talk about giving back to the universe!

Also when you listen, learn to listen deeply… feel the energy in your body as you listen and it’ll take you to a still place that enables you to really listen without your mind interfering. When you fully listen to someone then you are then giving the other person space to be. It really is the most precious gift you can give.

Would you like to think moving forward that with every interaction you have with other people that you are giving each person the most precious gift? Of course you would, talk about feeling good! In this practice you will know you are giving a great gift every time you speak with someone, so you will feel good. You will attract who you desire to attract in this process, and feel good!

So as you meet someone, you first see a positive future for them, then you really listen to them and you look for ways that it is possible for you to help them (go to give, don’t go to get). Then lastly you do not judge them for their past mistakes, their current mistakes or the mistakes you know they will make in the future. Instead you just observe them and look for ways to help them, and for the ways they can help you. They already are helping you as they are giving you a chance to observe your emotional reactions whilst they are talking.

I know its a tall order, to change ourselves to this level, it is no quick fix, it takes time, and that’s ok. It’s ok to be on a journey to being a better person, a better listener and to finally start to look for each of the lessons that our subconscious sends to us. Our subconscious has been trying for years to send them to us, however, now we are listening.

The Art of Listening

The art of listening has been lost in our busy world and it is down to each of us to re-learn this skill, for the benefit of others, however, more importantly for our own benefit. I used to be very shy at parties and once I told one of my friends this. He said, “It’s easy, all you do is go and ask people about themselves, keep the whole subject on them and they will think they had a wonderful conversation with you. They will think you are great but they wont know why because you never said anything.” That overcame my shyness straight away.

If you become a great listener and as you listen you learn bout the other person and yourself at the same time then you will be handsomely rewarded, you will be given lessons and direction and all for the price of a conversation which you would have had anyway.

I personally find conversations with people I do not know as the best way to practice non-judgement. Think about it, we make our judgement our first impression of someone within a few moments of meeting them. Then during the following conversation we look instinctively for evidence to back up our first impression.

This judgement and instant assumption that we are right and our natural tendency to try and prove it, is a real weakness. It is weakness because this thought process does not really help us.

We should trust our instincts, if they are instincts, not an emotional reaction to something we don’t particularly like. Remember all of our judgements are just opinions anyway and everyone has opinions… they can’t all be right! Just because they are ours, does not make them right.

Our instincts are usually bang on, however, our instincts are useless once we have let our egos become involved. So we have to observe our initial first impressions. You will have plenty of opportunities to do so, watch your egos tendency to just stick someone straight into a pre-determined box. Don’t get annoyed with yourself for unconsciously pigeon holing them, just be the observer not the judge.

Your ego does this because it is threatened by a new person. And in order to not feel threatened it wants to pigeon hole the new person as fast as possible. To do this it has to judge them. Look, meeting someone new and discovering stuff about them is fascinating, yet our ego seeks to circumvent this whole process in a nanosecond, by being present and observing its unconscious action then you get to enjoy the fascinating process.

Later when your ego is presented with information which goes against its ‘pigeon hole’ assumption it is then offended because this person is stepping outside of what it ‘wrongly’ believes they should be doing or saying. How do you possibly think this thought process would help you get to where you want to go? Is there any positivity in this thought process? You know nothing stands still, so where do you think this is taking you?

Now, of course instead of letting our ego instantly pigeon hole someone, and judge them on a few moments of ‘extremely diligent’ research. How about we apply some effort after our intuition has done its work and we apply the lost skill of listening as this person has come into our lives for a purpose which we have created. We create our lives so why are they here? Surely it is not so that our ego can practice its proficient skill of pigeon holing people.

So now go and learn to listen, and be grateful of the opportunity. Because I have a well known face I consider myself fortunate to have people just come up to me at seminars. When people come up to me I see this as another opportunity to learn, I will offer help and I will learn or tune at the same time.

If you start to enjoy these opportunities then your life will send you more of them, once you learn how to obtain the most benefit from them then you will start to create more and more, and give more and more, and get much more than you can ever give.

And all of this is done, by just shutting your mouth and staying fully present when you listen to another. You give them the greatest gift and you are given an opportunity to practice presence. So find ways to give, and ways to learn… wow this listening is cool stuff!

As I type this I am on a plane to Vancouver to carry out due diligence on a new money making product. I cannot tell you how grateful I am for having had the opportunity to write this before attending this event. I will get hundreds of opportunities to listen there!

Why don’t you look for opportunities to listen more, as each time you do you will be presented with all sorts of opportunities which life is trying to show you, but you were probably asleep when they aired the advert! Just imagine all of the adverts/opportunities you have missed because you were not tuned in as you were too busy waiting for the noise to stop… Is it any wonder you do not have the life you desire, as unless you are conscious when the right advert is aired, then how will you see it?

Don’t miss out, listen your way to success, you will like it more, people will like you more, you will learn more… it’s all good!

Choose to listen,

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Topics: A Bug Free Mind Free Stuff, Free Content, Other Stuff, Personal Development, Spiritual Development, Wealth Creation | 2 Comments »

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